Friday, August 17, 2012

Normal at 7.. Overly worried at 34..

We have been dealing with parenting "issues". This morning after an argument about Mario first thing in the morning, I googled "How to deal with a highly sensitive volatile 7 year old".... this is what I found out....

Basic description of a 7-year old: Age of Withdrawal

Typically, a 7-year old:
  • is calmer than at age 6
  • is moody, morose, melancholy
  • broods and sulks
  • is thoughtful and a good listener
  • loves to think, observe, and reflect
  • is absent-minded
  • procrastinates
  • is easily distracted
  • is self-absorbed
  • loves to argue but goes along with solutions
  • often asks, "Why do I have to?" and "Why should I?"
  • is less selfish and more forgiving
  • is hard to satisfy
  • is easily disappointed
  • does not respond well to humor
  • thinks others are mean, hateful, unfriendly, always picking on him, not liking him
  • may tell stories of maltreatment
  • may join several peers to gang up on one child or may become target of other children ganging up on him
  • does not want others to laugh at him
  • worries about everything, including:
    • not doing well in school
    • hurricanes (or any natural disaster)
    • war
    • that family won't have enough money
    • people he loves will die
    • that any pain or discomfort is a sign of a fatal illness
  • has many fears, including:
    • being late for school
    • the dark
  • has overcome some previous fears such as of the dentist or swimming
  • wants control and privacy
    • likes a room of his own to which he can retreat
    • does not like to be touched or seen without clothes
    • likes to plan his own days
    • has increasing control over body, thoughts and temper
    • may talk to himself in front of mirror
  • Parents:
    • gets along rather well with mother
    • wants her support and sympathy
    • believes parents like the other children in the family more than him
    • admires father, especially boys may "worship" them
  • Siblings:
    • fights with siblings
    • is best with much older and much younger siblings
    • with siblings close in age, things are "just not fair enough"
    • enjoys family outings
    • less tattling
  • Sex:
    • may not notice sex differences
    • are "mushy"
    • some, especially boys, are more hostile towards the opposite sex
  • School/learning:
    • enjoys learning
    • can idolize a teacher
    • may have a crush on a teacher
    • frequently asks for permission to do tasks
    • wants to be special
    • at home, can complain a lot about school
    • not a good messenger for bringing papers home from school
    • may give a "gift" to the teacher that actually is something that belongs to mother
    • enjoys reading as skills improve
    • understands time better (which may be why there is an increase in worrying about being late)
    • sets high standards for self, wants perfect scores and papers, erases a lot
    • perseveres once starts an activity
  • Physical development:
    • has more headaches, rubs eyes
    • complains of pain, especially knee pains
    • is more coordinated
    • is more cautious
  • Play:
    • not as adventuresome
    • can stick with one activity for a long time
    • can play competitive games better because winning is not so important
    • likes computer play
    • likes to collect things
    • loves nature
    • loves to participate in sports
  • Frequent use of:
    • "I can't"
    • "This is serious"
    • "I feel embarrassed"
    • a lot of self-criticism
  • Ethics:
    • tries to live up to standards for being "good"
    • tries to tell the truth, but is quick with excuses
    • believes fairness is very important
    • may collect things that really don't belong to him
Suggestions for parenting your 7-year old:
  • Use a gentle approach
  • Show appreciation
  • Provide reasonable amounts of sympathy
  • Do not to take reports of unfairness too seriously
  • Stay calm

So Guess what, I have a normal, moody, sulky, not fair, you are ruining my life 7 year old.