Friday, August 17, 2012

Normal at 7.. Overly worried at 34..

We have been dealing with parenting "issues". This morning after an argument about Mario first thing in the morning, I googled "How to deal with a highly sensitive volatile 7 year old".... this is what I found out....

Basic description of a 7-year old: Age of Withdrawal

Typically, a 7-year old:
  • is calmer than at age 6
  • is moody, morose, melancholy
  • broods and sulks
  • is thoughtful and a good listener
  • loves to think, observe, and reflect
  • is absent-minded
  • procrastinates
  • is easily distracted
  • is self-absorbed
  • loves to argue but goes along with solutions
  • often asks, "Why do I have to?" and "Why should I?"
  • is less selfish and more forgiving
  • is hard to satisfy
  • is easily disappointed
  • does not respond well to humor
  • thinks others are mean, hateful, unfriendly, always picking on him, not liking him
  • may tell stories of maltreatment
  • may join several peers to gang up on one child or may become target of other children ganging up on him
  • does not want others to laugh at him
  • worries about everything, including:
    • not doing well in school
    • hurricanes (or any natural disaster)
    • war
    • that family won't have enough money
    • people he loves will die
    • that any pain or discomfort is a sign of a fatal illness
  • has many fears, including:
    • being late for school
    • the dark
  • has overcome some previous fears such as of the dentist or swimming
  • wants control and privacy
    • likes a room of his own to which he can retreat
    • does not like to be touched or seen without clothes
    • likes to plan his own days
    • has increasing control over body, thoughts and temper
    • may talk to himself in front of mirror
  • Parents:
    • gets along rather well with mother
    • wants her support and sympathy
    • believes parents like the other children in the family more than him
    • admires father, especially boys may "worship" them
  • Siblings:
    • fights with siblings
    • is best with much older and much younger siblings
    • with siblings close in age, things are "just not fair enough"
    • enjoys family outings
    • less tattling
  • Sex:
    • may not notice sex differences
    • are "mushy"
    • some, especially boys, are more hostile towards the opposite sex
  • School/learning:
    • enjoys learning
    • can idolize a teacher
    • may have a crush on a teacher
    • frequently asks for permission to do tasks
    • wants to be special
    • at home, can complain a lot about school
    • not a good messenger for bringing papers home from school
    • may give a "gift" to the teacher that actually is something that belongs to mother
    • enjoys reading as skills improve
    • understands time better (which may be why there is an increase in worrying about being late)
    • sets high standards for self, wants perfect scores and papers, erases a lot
    • perseveres once starts an activity
  • Physical development:
    • has more headaches, rubs eyes
    • complains of pain, especially knee pains
    • is more coordinated
    • is more cautious
  • Play:
    • not as adventuresome
    • can stick with one activity for a long time
    • can play competitive games better because winning is not so important
    • likes computer play
    • likes to collect things
    • loves nature
    • loves to participate in sports
  • Frequent use of:
    • "I can't"
    • "This is serious"
    • "I feel embarrassed"
    • a lot of self-criticism
  • Ethics:
    • tries to live up to standards for being "good"
    • tries to tell the truth, but is quick with excuses
    • believes fairness is very important
    • may collect things that really don't belong to him
Suggestions for parenting your 7-year old:
  • Use a gentle approach
  • Show appreciation
  • Provide reasonable amounts of sympathy
  • Do not to take reports of unfairness too seriously
  • Stay calm

So Guess what, I have a normal, moody, sulky, not fair, you are ruining my life 7 year old.


Andrea said...

Have you read The Highly Sensitive Child? A great book that helped us (at the very least) to feel that we were not the only parents in the world with THIS kind of kid (ours is 5). Another great thing about the book is pointing out all the wonderful things about highly sensitive kiddos (empathetic, very curious, passionate, etc.). Best of luck to you and your sweet, seven-year-old!

Tiffany Campiotti said...

I'm sorry I missed this post the first time around. I feel you!